When you move to a new city, you've got to be open to meeting new people. If you're me, you've got to force yourself into countless situations in which people interact so that you feel you're accomplishing something. Mainly because if you don't, people might think you're a weirdo. It's like belly flopping off the high board into an Olympic sized swimming pool of social situations. Not that I dislike new acquaintances and learning what it is people do around here, but endless smalltalk does tend to wear on one's resolve.
I've been "new" plenty of times in the past 3 years --abroad I was even foreign for a little while, which is like "new" on PEDs*. I did just fine, made friends from all over the world, and then in NYC I befriended a kindred spirit, a 79 year old woman named Phyllis. I am adaptable, which is a quality I love about myself, yet I've found there are limitations to my extroversion.
let's all remember this gem, shall we? Fancy Hat Easter Brunch with Phyllis, 2012
I really enjoy socializing with small groups of people, this is why I have strong relationships with my family and close friends, why I was able to build friendships with students in my small university abroad, why I had such a bond with Phyllis. My social sweet spot is in small numbers. (These revelations about my demeanor began 3 years ago when my uncle gave me this book about introverts). I consider myself an ambivert, an adaptable introvert, who is more of a listener than a talker. Which is why I believe I have such solid friendships, why I am so introspective with this blog, and also why Jon and I are such a good match (his mom says he started talking at 9 months and hasn't shut his mouth since).
The problem with this, of course, is that in order to meet people I have to really try and get out there. Social norms dictate I cannot simply have a deep and meaningful conversation with a stranger in line at the grocery store. I have to begin the painstaking process of establishing friendships. I have to weasel my way into pre-established groups and prove my social merit. That is the exhausting part.
Friends from Italy Year 1 and beyond: Georgina, Ricarda, me and Natalia
How do I do it, you ask? Well, meeting people could include adding oneself to several niche-y social groups on Meetup.com, attending the weekly mixer with a local business association, signing up for informational events with organizations that appear to be hip, blindly reaching out to people in your profession, and joining professional organizations. So far, my first month in San Antonio, I've really outdone myself. I joined an exercise group on Meetup.com and walked 4 miles around the Riverwalk with a group of 12 divorcées. Oversight on my part. I attended 3 networking mixers with local business associations and passed out my business card to people who kept trying to sell me something, which was too inauthentic to actually making friends. I signed up for an informational event at a contemporary art lab and made conversation with an older couple from England. I scheduled 2 lunch meetings with people who do my job at other museums in San Antonio. I joined a Downtown Kickball League in which my dues go toward a case of beer for each week's game. I'm spent.
my plaid-clad Kickball team, 11-8 loss, as portrayed in the San Antonio Express News
There were two times this month that I drove to an event I had every intention of attending, parked my car, waited 5-10 minutes, and just went home. I couldn't do it. I didn't have the energy to meet people, tell them my spiel, rinse and repeat. I envy people like my friend Hannah who is so effortlessly approachable and consistently convivial -- it's a beautiful thing. Even though I'm not exactly in my element yet, I'm really proud of myself for trying to build a social circle. These things come with time. And I won't get down on myself for the days I drive back home, more enthused by the prospect of being alone in my apartment reading a book and eating cheese and crackers.
*Performance Enhancing Drugs, for my foreign friends who read this blog :)
